Explain this to me like I'm 4 years old...

I decided the other morning that I wanted to write a blog to lay out my feelings regarding the news of Osama Bin Laden's murder. Specifically (with the birth of our child only 2 1/2 short months away) I wanted to address how all of this would be different if Nadine were already here... or how my words may be different when I am explaining this to her as a part of history. What do you tell a child about a situation like this?

I posted the question on facebook in the form of this status update:

"If Nadine were here... and if she were asking me about Osama Bin Ladin, his
life and his death... how would I respond? Stay tuned... I think a blog post is
in the works."

A family member commented on the status and offered this suggestion:

"The truth is always best!"

And while that is a noble place to start, it is unfortantely not that simple. Because, as it seems, the "truth" is not as clear as we'd prefer- not as tangible as we'd like to to be. And it is especially difficult when put into context of a conversation with a small and innocent child... a child who has not yet fallen victim to the darkness in this world, who does not and should not understand the multitude of difficulties that we face when looking at this event. And so I set out on this journey to consider how all of this will affect Nadine, and what part I play in the development of her person.

Ultimately, one hundred different parents could explain this to one hundred different children and no two children would hear the exact same story. Why? Because each adult holds close a specific set of ideals... foundations that are basic to the very nature of the person. And those foundations influence how the conversation will go. So to be fair to myself, to you (as the reader of this thought process), and to Nadine... I need to define my foundations.

1. I adhere to the philosophies of nonviolence. While I am not even close to achieving perfection, I have been working now for 4 years to approach all topics and issues from a place of nonviolence. I try, to the best of my ability, to rid myself of violence in thought, word, and deed. I believe that all living beings are valuable, without exception. And I believe that we, as members of society, owe each other respect, kindness, and decency in every aspect of humanity. These are values that I intend to pass along to my child, and will have an impact on the way in which I raise her.
   


2. I believe very strongly that my role as parent is not to give my child an identity, but rather to help her grow and develop as an individual... offering her knowledge, support, and guidance so that she can choose the identities that fit her as an individual. We believe that religion, political philosophy, and personal ideology are all very difficult personal decisions that we cannot possibly *give* to someone... our child included. So, as we raise her, we will attempt to give her the most well-rounded, unbiased information possible to allow her to use her own feelings, beliefs, and opinions to develop her viewpoint.
   
   (I recognize the utter impossibility of this... that even in this post, I have already begun the process of teaching my child to follow my own personal beliefs. But I hold tight to my belief that, as much as possible, a child should be allowed to develop opinions freely- without undue influence from parents. And so, as much as I can without sacrificing my principles, that is what I intend to do with Nadine.)

With foundations in place, I'm sure that many of you can already tell that my conversation with Nadine would lead in an entirely different direction than a similar conversation had between you and your own child. And that is to be expected... even honored. Imagine how boring our life would be if everyone walked the exact same path. Our differences make us human, and that is a beautiful thing.

But even with my foundations in place, I am still somewhat dumbfounded at the idea of this conversation. How do you explain good vs. evil to a small child? How do you help a child understand religious war? With regard to Obama's powerful decision (which ultimately led to the murder of a human being), how do you teach a child that a good man can make bad decisions... but still be a good man? These are difficult and complex questions for which I do not have answers.

I was hoping that, by the end of this post, I would have discovered the answer. But I have not. And for now, I'm okay with that. As long as I have my foundations, I'm sure I'll find the words when I need them.