Due Date

Today is Nadine's due date.  We're hopeful that she will decide to grace us with her presence soon, and I took a long, long walk with my iPod today to help turn that hope into a reality.  We'll see if it works.

During my walk, this song came on my iPod.  I've said before, and it remains true today, almost every word in this song represents my wish for my child.  So I thought I would share.

Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Momma told me when I was young,
Come sit beside me my only son,
And listen closely to what I say.
If you do this it will help you some sunny day.

Take your time, don't live too fast.
Troubles will come and they will pass.
You'll find a woman. Yeah, you'll find love.
And don't forget, son, there is someone up above.

Be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son, if you can.

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold.
All that you need is in your soul.
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied.

Be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son, if you can.

Don't you worry... you'll find yourself.
Follow your heart and nothing else.
Yeah, you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied.

The home stretch...

Nadine's due date is less than one week away, and I'm starting to feel the beginnings of labor. Soon we will be able to hold our little one in our hands... we'll get to hug her and kiss her and watch her grow up. In just a few short days, our lives will change forever.

I keep thinking back to how this whole journey began. What was merely an idea in our heads... a glimpse of hope that Katie and I might someday get to experience the joy of motherhood... transformed so quickly and effortlessly into our reality. We went from hopeful dreamers to expectant mothers in just a few short months.

We thought we would have a long search to find a donor... a long struggle determining how to "make the transfer". But we were blessed enough to have loving and supportive people in our lives who wanted to help... and who made it very easy.

We had no pre-conception medical evaluations... we knew that Katie's body would not handle a fetus right now, so I was chosen as the only other alternative. But honestly, we didn't know the viability of me as a mother either. It was only in 2008 that I had a large and serious cyst removed from my left ovary. The doctor said she was lucky that she was able to salvage the ovary at all, but its functionality was questionable. That led us to believe that we had only 50% likelihood of getting pregnant at all.

And yet we were successful... on only our second attempt at insemination, we were pregnant. I remember the morning I took the pregnancy test and saw the + on the screen. I remember taking 4 more tests... just to be sure. I remember thinking that it was all one big joke... because nothing works that way in my life... nothing has ever been easy. I remember when I realized that this actually WAS real.

And now here we are... days away from meeting our baby. I'm going through all of the normal pre-delivery anxieties. I'm worried about my maternity leave... I left work early because it was a stressful environment for me and I didn't want that added stress on the baby. I'm eager for her to get here, and impatient. I'm worried about visitors and how we will have enough time for ourselves. I'm sad because Katie doesn't get paternity leave and will only have about 2 weeks with us. I'm in pain as this little bundle descends lower into my pelvis.

But most of all, I am grateful. I am blessed. I am humbled. And I am thankful. This little child... the culmination of all our combined hopes and dreams... is even more proof in my eyes that this is the life God planned for me. This is the person I was created to be... the life I was destined to live. I couldn't have chosen a better path for myself. I am so blessed.

An open letter to Governor Scott Walker

I'm reposting this today (a day late, go figure) and submitting it for Blogging for LGBT Families Day. If you're not familiar, check out Mombian's website for more information.

This was originally posted on May 19th as an emotional appeal to Wisconsin Governor, Scott Walker. Governor Walker is participating in this beautiful state's attack against same-sex families by refusing to defend or fight to uphold the domestic partnership registry that was passed in 2009. My partner Katie and I were the first registered couple in Milwaukee County, and with the birth of our first child just a few short weeks away, we are very much indebted to the [limited] benefits that the registry provides.

A background, for those who haven't heard the stories coming out of Wisconsin: Governor Walker was elected in 2010. Since his inauguration, he has not stopped his attack against families in our state. Starting with an unprecedented attack against the working class, Walker implemented a "budget plan" that included the stripping of collective bargaining rights for state employees. The bill stripped funding for social programs, education, and senior programs in our state. The GOP in our state, with the help of Governor Walker, have avoided, evaded, and outwardly defied various laws and regulations, caring little about the democratic process and more about gaining a republican stronghold in our state. Under the guise of election fraud, they have attacked voting rights by passing a law that gives Wisconsin one of the most restrictive Voter ID laws in the country... conveniently making it more difficult for POC, college students, and other minority groups to vote in our country. In the meantime, it is very likely that one of their own committed election fraud by "losing" just the exact number of votes needed to change the outcome of a Supreme Court Judge race in their favor.

And now, on cue, the GOP has turned their attack to us... the LGBT community. I wrote the following, an open letter to Governor Walker... in response to his recent decisions regarding the domestic partnership registry. Enjoy.

~~~~

Mr. Governor,

I don't want to leave room for any misunderstandings, so let me state clearly from the beginning that you and I disagree on our political philosophies. I am, if you were to label me, a leftist democratic lesbian. On the political spectrum, you and I would represent day and night- complete and total opposites. I say that not to start us off on poor footing, as enemies, but in hopes that this information will allow you to understand the significance of the statements I am about to make.

Since you were elected the leader of our great state, I've gotten into many arguments with people on 'my side of the fence'. I've stuck my neck out on the line, actually... to defend you.

When people started correlating you to Hitler, I spoke fervently against that claim. I reiterated my opinion repeatedly- that the leadership you were displaying was nothing like the damage that Hitler had done... that the condition of our state was nothing compared to the anguish of Nazi Germany. To make such a comparison is not only insulting to history, but also to your administration.

When a group started on Facebook encouraging people to follow you... everywhere you went... as a sort of intimidation tactic, I took to your defense as well. I pleaded with those who were leading the group, asking that they remember your humanity and allow peace and a feeling of safety. I argued that you, as a human being, deserve the basic protection of knowing that you are safe... that you can go home and sit in your bedroom, without fear. I argued for your family... who do not deserve to have their world turned upside down over political disagreements. I frequently called on the Golden Rule, asking people to treat you the way that we would want you to treat us. I don't know that I won that battle, but I tried.

When the death threats started, I saw people on my 'side of the fence' who were responding enthusiastically. I heard people say things like "better sleep with one eye open, Scotty". And again... I came to your defense. I argued- sometimes against even my closest friends- that their behavior was reprehensible. To support the idea of violence, I argued, was disgusting. I again supported your humanity. Not because I felt like I needed to do so, but because you are a human being. Despite the fact that you and I disagree about most everything political... you are more than just a politician. You are a father, a husband, a son. You have family who love you. You have dreams and passions. You are more than just a politician. And death threats against you were a personal offense to me... because I would never wish any harm against you. I don't know you, I've never met you. But I respect you enough to recognize that you are more than just a politician.

...

In 8 short weeks, my partner and I will welcome the birth of our first child. We've been together just shy of 4 years, and we were the first couple to declare a domestic partnership on August 3rd of 2009, when it became legal for us to do so. We live average lives. We both work, we pay taxes, we do the best we can. You don't know us, and I understand that...

But, at the same time that we will be joyfully celebrating our baby's arrival into this world, I will have to be asking myself... what kind of world is she being born into? Because the protections... however limited they may be... that were promised to my partner and I, not even 2 years ago, are now being challenged. And you, as the Governor of our state, have made the decision to act against us.

People advocate against same-sex equality for a lot of reasons. They draw correlations between our loving relationships and other horrible acts... like incest, bestiality, and rape. And just like you look nothing like Hitler... my relationship with her looks nothing like those things. Our relationship is based on love, trust, compassion, and faith. We do not harm, manipulate, or abuse anyone or anything. This comparison is both unfair and offensive.

Our legal protections, already limited, are vital for us. When I go into labor, I can be confident that my partner... with whom I have created this unbelievable gift... will be able to join me in the hospital. We have the safety and security of knowing that she cannot be turned away. Whether or not you approve of our relationship, these protections are ones that we deserve. Just like you deserve to be able to sleep safely at night, without worry... I deserve to sleep at night knowing that my relationship will not be challenged in the times when it is most important.

It's difficult to understand, and I realize that. But our livelihoods rely on these basic protections. My daughter deserves a life where she does not have to watch her non-biological mother be told that she cannot pick her up from daycare. She is an innocent baby. She does not deserve to have her life made more difficult. In a world like ours, she will definitely have enough troubles to keep her planted- without watching her mothers struggle for basic human protection.

We are more than just lesbians. We are workers. We are taxpayers. We are mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins, granddaughters. We have families who are worried for us... who are concerned about what it will mean if our rights are taken away. These people do not need to have their lives turned upside-down... simply because of a political difference.

I encourage you to reconsider your position about this matter. I am asking you no small favor- this is my life I am speaking about. This is a huge issue, and it means a great deal to me. I'm sure you can imagine... if you sit down and think about it. I ask for you to consider the reverse of the Golden Rule... that you would treat me the way that I have treated you. That, despite our political and personal differences, you respect and acknowledge my humanity... and that you stop fighting to hurt me.

And I want to leave you with one assurance. If you do not change your opinion... if you continue to act against my family... if you continue to reject my humanity... I will continue to stand up for yours. Because you deserve that.

Explain this to me like I'm 4 years old...

I decided the other morning that I wanted to write a blog to lay out my feelings regarding the news of Osama Bin Laden's murder. Specifically (with the birth of our child only 2 1/2 short months away) I wanted to address how all of this would be different if Nadine were already here... or how my words may be different when I am explaining this to her as a part of history. What do you tell a child about a situation like this?

I posted the question on facebook in the form of this status update:

"If Nadine were here... and if she were asking me about Osama Bin Ladin, his
life and his death... how would I respond? Stay tuned... I think a blog post is
in the works."

A family member commented on the status and offered this suggestion:

"The truth is always best!"

And while that is a noble place to start, it is unfortantely not that simple. Because, as it seems, the "truth" is not as clear as we'd prefer- not as tangible as we'd like to to be. And it is especially difficult when put into context of a conversation with a small and innocent child... a child who has not yet fallen victim to the darkness in this world, who does not and should not understand the multitude of difficulties that we face when looking at this event. And so I set out on this journey to consider how all of this will affect Nadine, and what part I play in the development of her person.

Ultimately, one hundred different parents could explain this to one hundred different children and no two children would hear the exact same story. Why? Because each adult holds close a specific set of ideals... foundations that are basic to the very nature of the person. And those foundations influence how the conversation will go. So to be fair to myself, to you (as the reader of this thought process), and to Nadine... I need to define my foundations.

1. I adhere to the philosophies of nonviolence. While I am not even close to achieving perfection, I have been working now for 4 years to approach all topics and issues from a place of nonviolence. I try, to the best of my ability, to rid myself of violence in thought, word, and deed. I believe that all living beings are valuable, without exception. And I believe that we, as members of society, owe each other respect, kindness, and decency in every aspect of humanity. These are values that I intend to pass along to my child, and will have an impact on the way in which I raise her.
   


2. I believe very strongly that my role as parent is not to give my child an identity, but rather to help her grow and develop as an individual... offering her knowledge, support, and guidance so that she can choose the identities that fit her as an individual. We believe that religion, political philosophy, and personal ideology are all very difficult personal decisions that we cannot possibly *give* to someone... our child included. So, as we raise her, we will attempt to give her the most well-rounded, unbiased information possible to allow her to use her own feelings, beliefs, and opinions to develop her viewpoint.
   
   (I recognize the utter impossibility of this... that even in this post, I have already begun the process of teaching my child to follow my own personal beliefs. But I hold tight to my belief that, as much as possible, a child should be allowed to develop opinions freely- without undue influence from parents. And so, as much as I can without sacrificing my principles, that is what I intend to do with Nadine.)

With foundations in place, I'm sure that many of you can already tell that my conversation with Nadine would lead in an entirely different direction than a similar conversation had between you and your own child. And that is to be expected... even honored. Imagine how boring our life would be if everyone walked the exact same path. Our differences make us human, and that is a beautiful thing.

But even with my foundations in place, I am still somewhat dumbfounded at the idea of this conversation. How do you explain good vs. evil to a small child? How do you help a child understand religious war? With regard to Obama's powerful decision (which ultimately led to the murder of a human being), how do you teach a child that a good man can make bad decisions... but still be a good man? These are difficult and complex questions for which I do not have answers.

I was hoping that, by the end of this post, I would have discovered the answer. But I have not. And for now, I'm okay with that. As long as I have my foundations, I'm sure I'll find the words when I need them.

Car Accident

Katie is a social worker, which requires her to work long hours. Last night at about 8pm, she was finishing up some work for the day and got into a car accident. Luckily, neither Katie nor her two passengers were injured... and Brandy (the car) suffered only minor injuries. Body work only.

We noticed this morning that our front license plate was lost in the accident and wasn't recovered by the police officer. So, just to be safe, we had our plates reported as lost and got a new set this morning. Now it's just a matter of getting the work done to restore our beautiful car back to her previous state of loveliness.

In the next few months, Katie and I will be buying a new vehicle. The new one will be primarily for Katie, and I will get Brandy. She's always been an excellent car, but this accident has really restored my confidence in her. This accident could've been a lot worse- but the car did exactly what it was supposed to do, and there is very little damage. This makes me feel safe, knowing that we'll soon have very precious cargo in that vehicle... it's good to know she's a reliable car.

I also have nothing but good things to say about our insurance company so far. Progressive is making this incredibly easy. We have a low deductible (we paid a little bit of a higher premium for that feature, but it is definitely worth it) and there is a Progressive Claims Center just a few minutes from our house. Tomorrow we will take her in. They will give us a rental car at no cost to us, and they will call us when she is repaired. We will pay our deductible... and nothing else. That is SUCH a relief for us.